The Monster
by mycookiegirl
Summary: Ponyboy finally realized what it was like to be used, what it was like to be hurt. And he finally learnt what a monster was - Steve Randle.


**The Monster**

 **I do not own The Outsiders. S.E. Hinton does :)  
This story is a little different to what I usually write, but I hope ya'll still enjoy it :)**

I remember when people used to bring up Steve Randle's name I used to practically vomit in disgust. Me and that boy, my big brother's best friend, we didn't dig each other – not one bit.

When that girl, Evie, broke up with him, he was more annoying than ever. He wasn't like Soda, who moped around acting all depressed when Sandy left him – no: Steve just spoke about how Evie was a good-for-nothing broad and she wasn't even that good in…well, I'm sure you get the idea. And it was vulgar; I was sure mad at Sandy for breaking my brother's heart like she did, but I wouldn't just go calling her names like Steve did to Evie, and Soda didn't have the heart to bad-mouth his ex. So what gave Steve the right to do it to _his_ ex?

You could say that the situation wasn't my business; people cope in different ways, and Steve's just happened to be calling his ex-girl every foul name under the sun. But I didn't care what Steve _Randle_ thought of me, so I was blunt with my words and told him exactly how I felt about what he was doing. And he was blunt with me…and he said things that I never expected to leave his mouth.

 **XXX**

"You are a monster, Steve Randle," I spat at the teenager in-front of me. He was staring at me, unfazed at my words. "Evie never even cheated on you; she just broke up with you. And who could blame her? Getting stuck with a hood like you."

Steve shrugged which I found very odd; I would have expected him to hit me a good one right at that second. This kinda aggravated me though: I wanted a reaction out of him.

"It won't be long before Soda gets tired of you too," I grinned wickedly. I was very sure that if I just told Soda a lie about Steve, like Steve had hurt me, then he'd tell Steve to get out and never come back again. Steve knew that too, which was why I was grinning. However once again, Steve just shrugged.

I groaned in frustration, ready to come out with useless harsh words that wouldn't mean anything, but Steve stood up and spoke first.

"You really don't like me, do you?" he asked. I noticed the smirk on his face and glared at my 'buddy', trying to size him up (but probably failing; I am small for my age after all).

"No, I don't. Just like you don't like me," I hissed, grinding my teeth together in anger. Steve looked shocked then, slowly shaking his head.

It took him a while -at least that's what it seemed- to answer me. "Whatever gave you that idea, Ponyboy Curtis?" His tone was lower now, almost aggressive.

Swallowing, I stood tall to my brother's best friend, and narrowed my eyes. "Like you don't know, Steve. You've never like me; for as long as I can remember, you've never wanted me around you and Soda – 'I'm too much of a bother'. Well guess what: you bother me too. It bothers me how you speak about girls, it bothers me how you don't want me to act like a brother around my brother, and it bothers me-" my voice broke slightly, "that you _hate_ me when I've never, in my whole life, done anything to hurt you."

Once my speech was finished, I breathed heavily. Steve was gazing me up and down with a look of sorrow and another of confusion on his countenance. Finally, after a few seconds, he brushed back his curly hair, and spoke to me.

"Ponyboy, I've never hated you," he claimed gently, taking a small step towards me. I moved away, and the man in-front of me sighed, but continued. "I ain't never even disliked you. You were annoyin' when you were little for sure, but now that you've grown up…" I looked at him as he trailed off. Then he stepped towards me, and after thinking for a few moments, he whispered: "I want you."

I stepped back in shock. So was all the mean stuff just a cover for his true feelings? Did he not want anybody to know that he liked me? I wished that was the case, but you can never predict anybody. Especially not a monster like Steve Randle.

 **XXX**

"Y'know Steve, Soda loves us both, and Darry would put up with it for the sake of me bein' happy – I'm sure it won't cause too much trouble."

Of course you had to be careful about admitting your true feelings to a person who was the same sex as you; it was the sixties after all, and people didn't like homosexuals that much. But I knew my big brothers would _never_ leave me just because I liked boys; they loved me to the moon and back, and my partner, male or female, wouldn't change that at all. Although maybe Steve was right; the situation was probably different for us…since Steve had been Soda's best friend since grade school.

I'll be honest, I was a little scared when Steve told me he liked me, but then I got this feeling inside and I realized I liked Steve back. Or at least I thought I did.

"Ponyboy, I've told you: nobody is gonna know about us, okay? Why can't _we_ just share our love, huh?" he muttered, his tone low and annoyed.

I pouted and sat back in a huff. Steve smirked then, rubbing his hand across his face before wrapping his arms around me and squeezing me. Smiling, I closed my eyes and went to kiss him, however he pulled back sharply – letting me go. I opened my eyes and sighed.

"Steve," I scowled. "Why won't you let me kiss you? It's been almost three weeks and we haven't so much as hugged each other. I thought you said you were over Evie?"

Evie. Back then, when I was desperate for Steve, her name would make me want to punch a wall or something. Strange how just two weeks before I had been angry about Steve calling his ex-girlfriend all those horrible names, and yet right then I absolutely hated her. But, she was _competition_. Ex's always were, even though she didn't seem to have any interest in Steve Randle anymore, and Steve didn't seem to have any interest in her.

Steve shook his head. "I _am_ over Evie. I just don't feel like rushin' into things, that's all. You're young anyway, Ponyboy."

There he goes, going on about my age again. Fifteen was mature, wasn't it? I mean, there was only a three year age difference between me and Steve anyway, so it wasn't as if…no actually, he was far more experienced than me with relationships. But still, it wasn't my fault I hadn't had any _action_ yet.

"I'm not that young," was all's I said before turning away from my monster.

I could feel Steve smiling in amusement. "Tell ya what, ya know Caroline in your grade?" he asked. I nodded, turning myself around to face him again. "Well, she hangs out with Evie and that crowd. Tell her to give _this_ to Evie." He handed me an envelope. "I've wrote some of the nastiest things I could think of, all reserved for Evie. And I've told her that I've got somebody else." My lover wiggled his eyebrows at me. "Just to set things straight with her that I don't love her no more."

The whole thing seemed a little suspicious to me, and Steve must have noticed (most likely from the sketchy look I was giving him), because he took my hand and gently brushed his lips across my knuckle. I breathed out and smiled.

"And then when you're done we'll go watch a movie. Heard they're playin' a Paul Newman movie there, so we'll watch it – just the two of us," Steve grinned. "But don't open the letter okay? It's got some horrible stuff, and your brothers will have it in for me if they realize you got those words from me."

I nodded and chuckled, tracing my finger along the envelope to show Steve that I wouldn't open it. Steve laughed, but he seemed nervous, though I never noticed it at the time. Instead I just skipped out of my bedroom, leaving Steve there to wait for me.

So, the question is, did I open that letter?

Seriously, I was considering it almost the whole journey to Root Miller's house. Root Miller was a greaser around Soda's age, and he was one of Caroline Miller's many older brothers. Her oldest actually, but he didn't scare me nothing; they were all a bunch of cowards.

Anyway, opening that letter was so tempting, and I _almost_ let my fingers rip the envelope to shreds and tear out that letter just to see how bad Steve had let Evie have it. But I never did. And I regret it so much now, since I'll never know what that letter said.

Caroline took the letter from me and shut the door in my face. I'd only told her to give it to Evie, who I could hear giggling in the living room, probably with some other greaser girls (the Millers were like us, always letting people use their home, except they let _any_ random greaser girl in), and she just glared at me before stomping away. How impolite, I thought to myself. But I didn't care.

Steve was so happy with me when I walked back into my bedroom and told him that I'd done as he'd requested. He brushed my hair back lovingly, and then, gently, he kissed me on the nose. I blushed and grinned at my crush, but I didn't have time to kiss him back since he literally dragged me by my arm all the way to the movie house.

We had a great time in the movie house. And I thought we were gonna have an even better time when we got back to Steve's house. But I was wrong.

 **XXX**

This was it, I told myself. Steve finally thought I was ready. We were actually going to be close...real close.

I had my shirt off and was staring at my lover, the monster, with eager eyes. He was smiling at me softly, and I couldn't wait for him to take his own shirt off. However, he was waiting, though I told myself that it would happen later anyway, so there was nothing to worry about.

Well actually, Darry and Soda would be worried about me, wouldn't they? I didn't know the time, but I assumed it was nearing my curfew. Quickly, I began making up excuses in my head about what I was gonna say to my brothers, however stopped myself; stressing out wouldn't help. I needed to stay relaxed. So I completely forgot about my brothers at that moment.

Steve put his hand on my neck and drew me closer so our foreheads were touching, and then he started kissing me. He was slow at first, however he began to get almost aggressive, and it was kind of hard to keep up with him to be honest. I gasped when he dug his fingernails into my stomach, and I swear I could hear him chuckle.

My eyes were wide, but I couldn't stop him, not now. I wanted this…though, I didn't really expect it to be this way. I was expecting it to be all romantic and soft, like what you see in those romance movies, but this was anything but that. Plus, the bed was really agitating.

Before Steve had a chance to do anything else but kiss me however, the phone started ringing. My monster shoved me away harshly and got up, leaving me sitting on his bed, confused. He warned me not to leave and to not even think about eavesdropping, so I stayed put, and didn't hear a bit of the conversation he had on the phone.

Oh, but I wish I had.

Steve came back in and smiled sweetly at me, picking up my shirt off the floor and throwing it at me. "Sorry Ponyboy, ma old man's comin' home in about five minutes, and he'll kill me if he sees I let somebody in the house."

"Okay," I sighed sadly, putting my shirt back on. "You wanna come over; so your old man don't give you no trouble?"

Steve shook his head. "Nah; he'll be okay if it's just me," he assured me, stroking my cheek and gently kissing my forehead. Though this kiss seemed hesitant, and I didn't miss the guilty look on my lover's face. But I didn't say anything; I just assumed he was sorry that we had been interrupted.

I walked home slowly, worried about facing my brothers. The book store had a clock in the window, and even though the store was closed and all of the lights were out, I could still make out what the time said on the large clock. 1 AM. Uh-oh – I was dead.

Maybe I should have just carried on walking. At least it wasn't 2 o'clock, like last time; surely Darry wouldn't be too mad. But no, I decided to walk back to my monster's house.

The thought that ran through my head was: Even if Steve's old man is back, he'll surely sneak me in and give me a place to stay; he loves me too much to turn away. Hmm…love's a funny thing isn't it? Completely takes away all the logic in your already screwed up, innocent mind.

Steve's house wasn't that far from the book store; I hadn't walked that far since I'd been trying to hold back, even though it was stupid: the quicker I got home, the smaller the lecture would be from my brothers after all. But I just wasn't thinking straight – and to be honest, I don't even think I was scared of going home to my big brothers: I think I just wanted to see Steve again. I missed him already.

A red car that hadn't been there before was parked outside Steve's house. My lips curled and my eye twitched slightly; Steve's old man didn't own a red car: he owned a truck, I was sure of it. Come to think of it, there was a red car outside of Caroline's house, and who had been in Caroline's house while I delivered the 'foul' letter Steve wanted me to? Evie. Oh…Evie.

Swallowing in fear, I straightened up, hoping that the thoughts flying around in my head really were just thoughts – not the future. I walked around to Steve's bedroom window, just in-case his old man was in the living-room, and peered inside. And there was Evie…kissing Steve.

More like Steve was kissing Evie actually. He was practically on top of her, kissing her aggressively like he had done to me only about twenty minutes before. But before my heart actually tore in two, I thought to myself: What did that damn letter say? I'll still never know.

I took no time in sprinting back to the front of Steve's house and shoving the front door open, storming inside.

"Did you hear somethin'?" I heard Evie mumble. Well, she was about to.

Both teenagers in Steve's bedroom flew apart from each other when angrily stomped towards the bed. Evie cried out but smiled when she saw me, not knowing what the problem was. Steve however gasped and sat back on his knees, his eyes wide with fear. "Ponyboy…"

"No, Steve, no! I don't wanna hear it! _You_ told me that you were over Evie and that you were gonna tell her…tell her about _us_! Where you just using me to get Evie back? Or did you just wanna play a game with me to hurt me, 'cause you're sick like that?!" I screamed, striding towards the curly-haired boy in-front of me. He was no longer my lover. In-fact I don't think he ever was.

Evie was confused as ever, her eyes darting between me and Steve. That's when I realized that I couldn't hate Evie; she hadn't done anything wrong – it was all Steve's fault.

"It never would have worked, Ponyboy. I could never love you," Steve said softly. "You're just a kid."

Sure it hurt when that guy told me that he could never love me. But to be honest, I don't know how I could ever love him. The thing that really bothered me however, was when Steve told me that I was just a kid. So was he trying to say that I was too innocent for him? Was that really his excuse to break my heart like that?

I spat at the boy and picked up one of his chains that was lying on the ground and I threw it at him with no regret. He didn't deserve my regret. He didn't deserve me. When did he ever deserve me?

"You," I pointed at him. Steve waited. Evie's breath hitched.

"You. Are. A. Monster. Steve Randle." I murmured slowly, and I walked out that door. And I never went back. Ever.

 **XXX**

Darry and Sodapop were waiting up for me of course when I got home. I just stood there like I did when I fell asleep in the lot with Johnny, letting Darry scream at me while Soda sat on the couch, completely dazed.

"You have _got_ to start using your head, Ponyboy. You're just a kid!"

That's when I lost it. I started bawling my eyes out, all the good memories of my monster coming back to me. Darry stepped back, stunned, and Soda shot up from the couch to comfort me.

And I told them _everything_.

They sure were mad. Sodapop claimed that he was never going to talk to Steve again, and Darry was going on about how he was gonna kill Steve for hurting me like that. Soda said he'd join in too, but when they went to leave the house, I threw my arms around Darry's waist and begged them both not to leave. Steve Randle might have been a monster, but I couldn't let him be killed.

Though that guy hurt me like that, whenever I remember the good times we had in those short two-three weeks, I smile. Of course when it gets to the end of the memories I'm nearly crying again, but when you go from the start…it's like magic I suppose.

I never really loved Steve. Just…I'd thought he'd hated me for so long, and when he was giving me all that good attention, I really did love him. But not in _that_ _kind_ of way. It was a brotherly way, however Steve tricked me into thinking I loved him like a lover. I know I didn't – I loved him like I loved Soda and Darry; I just didn't see it like that at the time. Monsters are very good at manipulating people.

At school a few weeks later, Caroline Miller told me that she liked me, and the only reason why she's always been so horrible to me is because she's liked me for so long. I smiled at her and told her to meet me at the park at 7 pm the following night.

That's exactly how Steve had lured me in. He told me that he was only mean to me because he liked me, and now Caroline had done it too. At least now I knew how the game worked.

You meet a lot of monsters in your lifetime. Some are good. Some are bad. I can't tell you what type of monster Steve Randle is; you'd say he's bad, but he did fill a place in my heart after all. He made me happy. And he used that as an advantage: I'd been craving happiness since Johnny and Dallas had died. Steve gave that happiness to me.

I just hope one day, I'll be able to give that happiness to somebody else. Somebody special. Although when Darry and Sodapop smile at me and tell me how I'm the best baby brother in the world, I think to myself: maybe I already have. Just by being a brother. By being a friend. It doesn't take romance to love somebody.

It doesn't take romance to be a monster either.

 **AN: There it is! I hope it was good for ya'll! Love to know how ya'll found it! :)**


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